Is the Anti-Christ a Cyclops or Just Plain Cross-Eyed?

I kid you not, this was an actual discussion on a couple of the jihadi websites: It seems that the Anti-Christ, who in Muslim lore is called Al-‘Awer Al-Dajjal (‘The One-Eyed Deceiver’), has made his sinister appearance in the person of ‘Ma’asoum,’ a poor Pakistani orphan from the Lahore area.

According to an Arabic magazine, that had reprinted the story from a Pakistani newspaper, Ma’asoum’s father had been killed in a tribal feud and his mother, who feared disgrace because her son was born with one eye smack in the middle of his face, kept him hidden from public view. But Ma’asoum was born with supernatural powers, such as being fireproof and boasting the ability to drink seawater and munching on pebbles. He could also move things around through telekinesis and was constantly protected by a black cat. Add to that some alchemical flair, and mind-control—apparently he convinced the policemen who threw in the slammer to let him go—there was nothing for the local mullahs to do but destroy him. However, Ma’asoum turned out to be immortal and impervious to bullets. One seer predicted that Ma’asoum was indeed the Anti-Christ and that he would soon disappear into the mountains of Khurasan (north-east Iran) as foretold by the prophecies.


Click on the pic to enlarge

And guess what? Ma’asoum has disappeared, and may have gone to Khurasan.

Now, such stories often appear in the Middle Eastern print equivalents of the National Enquirer, but the funny thing is that some eager jihadists are spotting hints of the apocalypse in such stories. And how do the more sober jihadists repudiate the story of Ma’asoum the Cyclops? They claim that the Prophet Muhammad had never described the Anti-Christ as one-eyed, but rather he had the symptoms of somebody with a lazy eye, whose off-kilter pupil was the opaque color of an unripe grape.

The posts were removed after a couple of days, especially since they got more traffic than Al-Qaeda’s videos of blowing up American tanks. It seems that the higher-ups look with disfavor at the tendency of the rank-and-file jihadists to be swayed by such yellow press clippings.

Now, although the prophecies also say that the Anti-Christ will be eventually defeated, we should keep in mind that we only have God’s word for that outcome, and He is definitely not an objective observer in this impending intergalactic battle. So, there’s a fifty-fifty chance that Ma’asoum will come out on top. I, for one, am taking no chances and have already framed a picture of the Dark Lord for hanging in my living room, and I suggest you do the same—just in case.